Steve Ball Diary
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Monday November 20
Tuesday November 21
Wednesday November 22
Thursday November 23
Friday November 24
Saturday November 25
Sunday November 26
Tuesday November 28
Wednesday November 29
Thursday November 30
Friday December 01
Saturday December 02
Sunday December 03
NOTE: My DSL is now working again!!
For the past week, only part of my diary has been available here. I could FTP about 10-12K before my system hangs completely. Also, I could not send mail from home.
During this week, I spent many hours working with my ISP for this site and with my DLS provider to discover that the hardware in this building (a new building) is completely hosed.
Welcome to the world of technology.
I would not hold my breath for IP based distribution of media (a la BootlegTV's original mission) to become widespread, possible, or user-friendly.
Now, back to our regularly scheduled diary.
"There are two aspects of life: the first is that man is tuned by his surroundings, and the second is that man can tune himself in spite of his surroundings."
- The Mysticism of Sound and Music
Hazrat Inayat Khan, page 54
* * *
An excellent morning with a great beginning. It does not get any better than this. Woke up refreshed.
Breakfast meeting at Uptown with SteveE, going over latest story boards. Again, blown away by SteveE's raw talent and enthusiasm. It's contagious. And he is delivering immense value in the work he is doing.
* * *
An illness at work today put off a necessary conversation and transaction. Need to move swiftly on a difficult transition.
* * *
More good progress during the day, followed by a delightful 7pm musically inspiring meeting. Then, a few phone calls, including one with Tobin who seems to be doing well down south.
Then, late dinner with a close friend.
Looking forward to Thursday. Much to be thankful for this year.
"If we study life today - in spite of the great progress of science, radio, telephone, phonograph, and all the wonders of this age - we find that the psychological aspect of music, poetry, and art does not seem to develop as it should. On the contrary, it is going backward. And if we ask what is the reason the answer will be that the whole progress of humanity today is in the first place a mechanical progress. This hinders in a way the progress of individualism...But in art especially, where the greatest freedom is necessary, one is restricted by uniformity, painters and musicians cannot get their work recognized. They must follow the crowd instead of following the great souls. All that is general is ordinary, because the great mass of people is not highly cultured. Things of beauty and good taste are understood, enjoyed, and appreciated by few, and there is no way for the artist to reach those few. In this way, what is called uniformity has become a hindrance to individual development."
- The Mysticism of Sound and Music
Hazrat Inayat Khan, page 98
Hmm... reminds me of my weekend conversations with TravisM and TravisH.
Speaking of musicians not getting their work recognized, there was a nice little blurb about Electrochakra in Sunday's Seattle Times in an (overall lame-o) article about the come back of "jam bands" in Seattle.
* * *
Another day of major product headway in the office. Lighting some fires under some buttocks today.
* * *
An excellent, home-cooked dinner with friends this evening. Had to make a difficult choice just before dinner - a no win situation. The result: dinner and conversation was excellent. But I also lost an opportunity in the process.
Much of my energy is spend measuring and weighing trade-offs. I sometimes feel cursed with a paralyzing ability to simultaneously see and feel many sides of a problem or situation.
Given a choice, in whose interest should I act?
* * *
Think too much? Perhaps.
""But that magic charm of the voice is in the natural voice. Every person is gifted. God has given him a certain pitch, a natural note, and if that pitch develops and he develops that natural note, it is magic, he can perform a miracle...Apart from singing, even in speaking, among one hundred persons you will find one who speaks in his natural voice, ninety-nine who imitate. They imitate someone else; they do not know it.
If you take careful notice in everyday life, you will find that sometimes before a person has finished his sentence you have become annoyed. It is not because of what he has said, but it is his voice. An you will also notice - perhaps not every day in your life, but sometimes - that you once heard someone say something that has always remained with you: it gives always a beautiful feeling, it is always soothing, it is healing, it is uplifting, it is inspiring.
A doctor coming to see a patient may, by his voice, frighten the patient and make him more ill if his voice is not harmonious. And another doctor may, by his voice, treat the patient so that before the medicine is brought he is already feeling better. The doctor gives the medicine, but it is the voice with which he comes to the patient that counts.
In the history of the world have not men marched hundreds of miles with strength and vigor, not knowing what they were going to face, on hearing the voice of their commander: ‘Quick march!’? It seemed that all fear, all anxiety were taken away, and all vigor and courage were given to them, as they were going to march. And again have you not heard of commanders who said: ‘Fire!’ and the soldiers turned back and fired at them? That is the voice too.
The voice, therefore, is a wine. It may be the best wine, and it may be the worst liquor. It may make a person ill, or it may uplift him."- The Mysticism of Sound and Music
Hazrat Inayat Khan, page 85
An amazing book.
* * *
Left work this afternoon feeling completely ill. Slept for awhile and woke up feeling much better. Now, an evening of reading, playing, planning, and quiet solitude.
Hope EVErything came out okay in the delivery room this afternoon for Jax and Bob.
* * *
"Very often it happens that a person speaks on a certain subject with a thousand words, and it has no influence; yet another person who expresses a thought in a few words can make a deep impression. This shows that the power is not in the words, but in what is behind the words; that is, in the psychological power in the voice which comes from Prana (breath.) According to its strength it impresses the listener.
The same thing if found in the fingertips of the violinist, and in the lips of the flute player. According to the influence coming from his thought, the musician produces that influence through his instrument. He may be very skillful, but if his fingertips do not produce a feeling of life, he will not be a success. Apart from the music he plays there is the value of the Prana or psychological power that he gives to what he plays."- The Mysticism of Sound and Music
Hazrat Inayat Khan
* * *
Gemini
The Scorpio Moon reeks havoc on Gemini's life. You are especially at risk because of your tendency to accelerate. Keep your foot hovering near the brake. Observe all traffic laws religiously and keep in mind that pushing things too fiercely will take a toll on your health and may not get you anywhere faster. You are feeling quite willful, especially when it comes to your curiosity concerning the unknowable, so you may want to keep in mind that not everybody is on your page.
- InfoSpace Horoscopes
* * *
A wonderful and nourishing Thanksgiving dinner at Frank and Ingrid's place with the usual suspects plus some super-surprise guests! Frank, Ingrid, Curt, Bill, Donna, Kathryn, Deborah, Ezra, Dean, Patty, William, Louis, Bob, Jax, Isabel, and EVE Liliana Williams, the newest member of the local team.
Life, especially life that has only been out of the womb for 20 hours, is extremely delicate and amazing.
The still point of my day: watching Eve gently wrap her tiny fingers around Curt's left index finger.
It does not get any better than this.
Bob and Jax seem to have sailed through and bounced back from the delivery with time and energy to spare. It was great to see them, beaming over their new baby girl.
Interesting dynamics brewing already between Isabel and Eve. Also, intriguing interaction between Ezra and Isabel this evening: an organic glimpse of some hard-wired interactions between men and women. In this case, a gentle conflict over a pillow that had absolutely nothing to do with the pillow.
Fascinating stuff.
How arrogant we are to assume that we have anything to do with who and how we are. We seem to arrive together: person and personality.
Giving thanks for who and how we are.
"The greatest error of this age is that activity has increased so much, that there is little margin left in one’s everyday life for repose. And repose is the secret of all contemplation and meditation, the secret of getting in tune with that aspect of life which is the essence of all things. When one is not accustomed to take repose, one does not know what is behind one’s being. This condition is experienced by first preparing the body and the mind by means of purification; and by making the senses fine one is able to tune one’s soul with the whole Being."
- The Mysticism of Sound and Music
Hazrat Inayat Khan
* * *
A day of repose and contemplation at home. Listening: Jane Siberry, Teenager songs she wrote when she was one. Also, Miles, Bitches Brew. And of course, Tori, Venus and Back, and Radiohead, KidA in between to feed my ongoing study of idiot savants from two opposite galaxies.
I have a CD player that acts as my alarm clock: for the past two weeks, I've been listening to the Steve Reich remix CD first thing in the early AM. It is a gentle way to wake up. I am a huge Steve Reich fan ( Music for 18 Musicians is one of my favorite pieces of unfolding musical inspiration on the planet,) but this Reich remix CD is not quite doing it for me.
Tomorrow, something new: wake up to Tori, Horses.
* * *
Repose broken during mid-afternoon by two four-hour computer problems, back-to-back. Home networking is about as intuitive as DNA. And DSL is about as reliable as a Florida voting machine.
* * *
Danger, danger: I have discovered eBay! Made my first eBay purchase today after out-bidding 40+ others who had been bidding for two weeks. A new tool arrives in two weeks. I outbid these other poor eBay-dudes in a reverse auction, and I still got a great deal on a tool that has the potential to suck my already sucked life away...
* * *
Evening DVD: Roman Polanski's the Ninth Gate, staring Johnny Depp as a bookworm hired to track down three copies of an evil book. Pure and wonderful nonsense. Amazing cinematography carrying an otherwise trashy horror story.
* * *
"If there is any explanation of why man rejoices or is impressed by the music played to him it is this. Is it only an amusement or a pastime? No, there is something else besides that. The principal reason is that in man there is a perpetual rhythm going on, which is the sign of life in him; a rhythm which is expressed in his pulsation and his heartbeats, even in his heart. And upon this rhythm depends his health; not only his health, but his moods. Therefore, anywhere, a continued rhythm must have an effect upon every person; and upon each person its effect is distinct and different.
If one can focus one’s heart on music, it is just like warming something that was frozen. The heart returns to its natural condition, and the rhythm regulates the beating of the heart, which helps to restore health of body, mind, and soul, and bring them to their proper tuning. The joy of life depends upon the perfect tuning of mind and body."- The Mysticism of Sound and Music
Hazrat Inayat Khan
* * *
A small, but focused team Sitting at Curt's this morning: CurtG, SB, ElizabethP, FrankS, BillR, IngridPS, DouglasB, JanetteR. The time flew by this morning. One of the best sittings I've had in a few months. Feeling very peaceful. Still riding synchronized biorhythms?
* * *
Found this while cleaning out some rotting email this morning. My sister emailed me this a while ago. Not sure where she found it.
Astrological Positions for Steve Ball
Born 6/XX/19XX, 22:23
In Lawrence, KS (38N58 95W14 zone: 6)
Planet Longitude Declination
Sun 20 Gemini 44 23N07
Moon 11 Libra 40 0N28
Mercury 13 Gemini 35 18N38
Venus 24 Cancer 2 23N09
Mars 10 Taurus 33 14N16
Jupiter 12 Pisces 3 8S02
Saturn 11 Aquarius 2 18S03
Uranus 27 Leo 3 13N11
Neptune 11 Scorpio 9 13S27
Pluto 7 Virgo 40 20N53
Node 11 Leo 26 17N21
Ascendant 1 Aquarius 18 19S52
Mid-heaven 22 Scorpio 56 18S31
Tropical Zodiac, Sun in Gemini:
You are, in many ways, an eternal child. Your mind is bright, alert, curious, flexible, playful, and always eager for new experiences - and your attention span is often quite brief. You grasp ideas quickly and once your initial curiosity has been satisfied, you want to go on to something else. You crave frequent change, variety, meeting new situations and people. It may be hard for you to decide just where your talents and true vocation lie, for you have a multitude of interests and are loathe to limit yourself by concentrating on just one. You are easily distracted by all of the other fascinating possibilities. Your curiosity and restlessness propel you into many different experiences in life, and you are willing to taste or try anything once. Doing the same thing over and over again, even it is something you do well, is real drudgery for you. You live in your head a great deal - reading, observing, thinking, spinning ideas around - and you need mental stimulation every bit as much as you need food and drink. In fact, if you had to choose between a good book or movie and a good lunch, you would very likely choose the former. You have a creative mind and often live by your wits.
You are also a very social creature, with a strong need to communicate and to interact with people. You enjoy using and playing with words and have a real flair for getting your ideas across in a clever, interesting, articulate manner. Writing or speaking are areas you have talent for. You also have a rather light and mischievous sense of humor, and often do not take anything too seriously. Though you crave emotional involvement, it is hard for you to achieve it, for you are frequently unwilling to commit yourself to anything, to take responsibility, or to limit your personal freedom and mobility.Your happiness lies in using your creativity and your language skills to communicate something meaningful, to teach, inspire, or bring people together. You have an unbiased mind and can usually offer a fresh, clear, uncluttered perspective. Your faults are your lack of constancy and persistence, and your tendency to overlook or ignore deep emotional issues and other people's feelings.
Your desire for harmonious relationships and surroundings is so strong that you avoid personal confrontations or any expression of intense, unpleasant emotions. You are an idealist who would like to paint the world in pastel colors, and live in peace and harmony with others at all times. You are able to see points of similarity and unity with people who are vastly different from yourself, and befriend many different types of people. You are a considerate and thoughtful friend, and have a real flair for making others feel accepted and appreciated. Inwardly you are often torn with indecision and are much more at odds with yourself than others would ever guess from your smooth, even disposition.
Forward-looking and progressive, you are a person who supports change, innovation, and human advancement, and you are often strongly committed to a humanitarian cause or social improvement. You are extremely aware of the interconnection and interdependence of all people, and are always relating personal issues to some larger framework. You see the political or social ramifications of personal actions, and you wish to contribute something of value to the world, or at least to your community or group. The ideals of equality, fairness, human rights, brotherhood, social justice, etc. color your whole outlook and approach to life.
You are truly interested in the good of the whole and not only your own personal well-being. Sometimes you may overlook or ignore your own and others' personal needs, desires, and feelings, especially if they do not conform to your ideals of how one SHOULD feel or act.
Though you have little patience for conservative narrow-mindedness, you yourself are sometimes dogmatic about your beliefs and ideologies. You are attracted to the avant-garde, the latest advances in human thought and development, and you are eclectic and cosmopolitan in your tastes.
You may consider yourself a "global citizen" rather than claiming a narrow, limited identification based on nationality, race, familial heritage, etc. You are strongly influenced by your peer group and the flavor of the times in which you grew up, more so than by parental or family influences.
You are involved and active in groups, community efforts, cultural and progressive movements. On a personal level, you are friendly and express a kind of impersonal good will towards others. You probably have many acquaintances but few really close friends, and much of your closeness with others is based on a sharing of common ideals and principles, rather than on emotional ties. Others see you as a good friend and comrade, who is objective, fair, and rather detached emotionally. You do not often show your emotions, and may be unsure how to respond to others' emotional expression, for you tend to be very rational.
You are also very independent and refuse to be possessed by any individual. You are not comfortable with traditional sexual roles and are inclined to have "liberated" views about marriage, relationships, sharing of child rearing responsibilities, etc. You need to have a life outside of the personal, domestic sphere and to be involved with people on a broader scale. The nurturing of family ties, and close, deep, personal sharing may take a back seat to your work or outside social involvements.
You have a mature and rather heavy, solemn demeanor, and you tend to take yourself and life too seriously. You possess a great deal of self-control, self-discipline, and a very strong conscience. You may be dogged by feelings of personal inadequacy and inhibition. You seem authoritarian to others.
You may come across a bit scattered, nervous, or restless, as if you can't sit still. You seem alert and quick, but sometimes a bit on edge. You tend to stay perpetually busy, and would find handiwork of some kind to be soothing.
You crave excitement, change, and discovery, and cannot tolerate a routine or lifestyle that offers little in the way of surprise or challenge. Excitable, spontaneous, and enthusiastic about anything new, you may be perceived by others as being too impulsive, especially in personal relationships. It is not easy for you to make or keep commitments, since you don't know how you will be feeling from one day to the next. Emotional freedom is very important to you. Your domestic life can be very unstable - but you like it that way.
You have an inner poise and balance that enables you to act in a cool, efficient manner during emotional traumas and stress. You keep perspective and objectivity about highly charged emotional issues - sometimes to the chagrin of others who might wish that you would react more intensely. You are quietly supportive and faithful to your friends and loved ones.
You would be an excellent teacher or counselor for you listen sympathetically, and encourage others to express their inner thoughts and feelings. People trust and confide in you, and you are able to read between the lines and to sense what their feelings are as well as what they are saying. You work well with and understand women, and the emotional, feminine side of life. You are articulate on personal (rather than factual or technical) subjects. Keeping a diary or journal would be satisfying for you.
Copyright (c) Oracle Science International and Cosmic Patterns. This report was written to professional astrological standards, and is meant for entertainment only.
One word: WOW.
Who writes this stuff, and how do they know me so well?
* * *
Found the following in a diary from 1997.
Characteristics of Excellent Band Names
1. uniqueness
2. instantly memorable
3. obviously a band name (not a dish soap)
4. rolls off the tongue (sonically pleasing)
5. no spelling ambiguity (obvious phonetic spelling)
6. looks good on paper (logos)
7. reflects the spirit of the music
8. embodies the spirit of the group
9. sound of the name generates a visual image
Many of these identity characteristics also apply to company and product names. BootlegTV was the perfect name for what was BootlegTV ten months ago. But BootlegTV died on August 3rd and became Bootleg Networks.
Now, the name Bootleg Networks is a convenient stepping stone to a new name that better reflects the new product and team building it. The new name has not arrived yet, but it's lurking about. When it arrives, if it is the right name, it will propel us into a new stage of growth.
* * *
Evening: preparation and relaxation.
"Music, besides power, is intoxication. When it intoxicates those who hear, how much more must it intoxicate those who play or sing themselves! And how much more must it intoxicate those who have touched he perfection of music and have meditated upon it for years and years! It gives them an even greater joy and exaltation than a king feels sitting on his throne.
According to the thinkers of the East there are five different intoxication’s: the intoxication of beauty, youth and strength; then the intoxication of wealth; the third is of power, command, the power of ruling; and there is the fourth intoxication, which is the intoxication of learning, of knowledge. But all these four intoxication’s fade away just like stars before the sun in the presence of the intoxication of music. The reason is that it touches the deepest part of man’s being. Music reaches farther than any other impression form the external world can reach. And the beauty of music is that it is both the source of creating and the means of absorbing it. In other words, by music the world was created, and by music it is withdrawn again into the source which has created it."- The Mysticism of Sound and Music
Hazrat Inayat Khan
Final quote from this wonderful, humble book. I've been collecting inspiration from this writing all week. Preparing for January when my life as a musician begins again after a three month break.
* * *
Up early this morning for a meeting with GeorgeM, JohnL, and ChristianVB. George and Christian are off to NYC on Monday morning. This is the only time the four of us will be able to be in the same room for the next week. Some important strategy decisons to make today.
* * *
Corn-fed trivia of the day: I have seen the future of online $$ transactions, and it is PayPal. eBay + PayPal = commerce revolution. The web is finally living up to ecommerce hype. Today, I am a happy web shopper.
* * *
Evening listening: Gentle Giant BBC sessions. Gentle Giant is an amazing band, playing intricate and powerful music. Steve Reich Rock Band. Okay, I know it is total Math-Rock. But the ornate melodies, intricate counterpoint, and constantly-evolving textural contrast wakes me up. Gentle Giant is the rock version of celtic knotwork. No wonder it wakes me up.
I'm a one trick ex-pony tail.
Also: Jane Siberry, Bound by the Beauty. Over and over again. Probably listened five times in a row as I entered 10,000 receipts from 2000 into Quicken.
Sigh.
Jane. You have my heart. Should have taken JoyceT's advice three months ago. A trip to Toronto in the springtime sounds great right now.
* * *
Rumor has it that Trey is back in town. Quietly wishing local friends well tonight from my hibernation sanctuary. So happy that I don't have to travel this week!
* * *
home
Monday
November 27
Found some ancient pictures of people from another planet this evening:
Photos by Ingrid Pape-Sheldon
Remember these people? Top photo: IsabelW, SB, JaxieB, TobinB, BobW, HeatherP, PabloM, BrockP, CurtG, FrankS, DeanJ, and StevenR. This photo was taken circa June of 1998 in the heart of the Secret Cafe days.
As of next week, we have officially lost Steven, Tobin, Brock, Heather, and Clement to other projects in other cities.
* * *
More quotes from Hazrat:
"Once a soul has awakened to the continual music of life, that soul considers it as his responsibility, his duty, to play his part in the outer life, even if it be contrary to his inner condition at the moment.
The secret of seeking he will of God lies in cultivating the faculty of sensing harmony, for harmony is beauty and beauty is harmony. The love of beauty in his further progress becomes the seeker of harmony, and by trying always to maintain harmony he will tune his heart to the will of God."
Can't put this book down.
* * *
Gemini
This is a time for working with others on a fairly close basis. While it may be up to you to determine the results, you cannot do everything yourself. Instead, you should be ready to delegate responsibilities -- you know who the experts are. If the current project winds up being an all-or-nothing battle, you may have extra work to do, but in the end things should progress to your benefit. This is a time of extremes, so even if the workday does go less smoothly than you had planned, you can count on enjoying the evening.- Infospace
* * *
On January 1st, this website will get some color. Until then, I am still working in black and white to remember and poetically document the intense polarities I have to reconcile every day: the differences between what investors want and what customers need. The differences between what employees want and what the company needs. The differences between what one person likes and what another detests. The difference between being told what must be done and simply knowing.
The quotes in this diary are gray because they help me bridge the the void between these polar opposites with supportive gray areas. The ultra-concentrated-mini-font will also be tossed in favor of something which is more legible without the aid of squinting, hard work, and/or magnification.
Eight weeks of this bleak-and-white presentation are more than enough to drill the point to a sharp completion.
* * *
Remember what I said about PayPal yesterday? Scratch that -- PayPal sucks and is completely useless. I had one of the worst customer experiences today that I have ever had with a technology company (including my own, and believe me, I've had some bad experiences with Bootleg.) If you are considering using PayPal on eBay or on your own web site, you would be better off simply selling everything and going to share a dirt room in a wood shed with Ted Kazinski.
Did I mention that PayPal is useless and insulting, yet?
The only thing worse than PayPal is Reflex Communications who claim to be offering me DSL service at home.
If you were wondering why my diary entry yesterday was only half there, ask Reflex which crashed half-way through my FTP and still has not come back yet 36 hours later after about six calls to customer service. Apparently the switch in my building is flakey and needs to be replaced.
No shirt, Shitlock.
* * *
An inspiring afternoon meeting with SteveE. I am proud to be working with such high caliber talent. I am not exaggerating here. I have worked with some pretty smart puppies in the past, and SteveE is right up there in that rare vision + talent + professionalism + execution intersection.
I have also worked with a few who have claimed to live in (or at least pass through) that intersection. But it always comes out in the wash.
Always.
* * *
Besides DSL and PalPal hell, I had a great day today. Stuff keeps getting done. With my DSL down and flakey, I'm also getting no sb.com mail. Wonder if it's bouncing back?
* * *
I have an old friend (JoeBass) who called me today between meetings: he is organizing a YES tribute/benefit concert at the Showbox with special guest, YES drummer, Alan White, in late December. Joe knows that I am/was a huge YES fan, and he knows that I also know Alan -- would I like to open for the main act, and then join them for some songs?
Hmmm,... December 19th. Tempting. And about three weeks before my return to the world as a performing musician. Need to sleep on this one. I've had the opportunity to work and play with Alan before -- he even came to the first Seattle Prometheus show at Sit-n-Spin back in 1996 -- so the thrill/novelty of the idea of meeting Alan is largely gone. Not many people know that Alan was in the Plastic Ono Band. So, not sure what to do with this one.
A tempting idea at a bad time for temptations.
Might even help me complete the NST arrangement of Wondrous Stories that I had been working on a few months ago... BTW, Did you know that I can quote and sing the lyrics to every pre-1982 YES song, not to mention being able to nail the melodies and harmonies and counterpoint melodies in their original keys, on demand. Up to and including the Buggles YES! I lost interest completely when Trevor Rabin showed up. Oh, and I can sing most of the guitar and bass parts verbatim.
An embarrassing talent in this era of Backstreet Spice Doggy N'Spears. But, enough 70's horn tootage.
Time for bed. Wonder when I'll be able to upload this diary?
PS - Joe has a Roger Dean YES logo tattooed on this forearm. And I thought I was a 'fan.'
Gemini
If you are frustrated while trying to carry out some business transaction, consider it a sign from above that you need to double-check facts and figures. It could be that someone you are not aware of is playing dirty, trying to undermine your goals. So consider the undercurrents and who will benefit the most once the papers are signed and the deal is struck. You can try to bring things out, as long as you stay aware that it will take plenty of energy and may throw a pretty big wrench in the works.
-- Infospace
Hmmm.... perhaps the writers at Infospace have also attempted to use Paypal recently?
Wrench, schmench. I have caught a few big wrenches this year before they hit and destroyed the works. Some of them remain in my toolbox.
* * *
Another compelling day of accomplishment at work. Some things are really clicking this week: a) finally, some inspiring IP protection is coming together nicely, b) some exciting meetings happening in the next three weeks, c) continued momentum is building on the product front, d) we continue to attract and hire great people. A new level of operational accountability is kicking in, partially due to the fact that I've been able to spend more time at home, and less time on the road selling dogs and ponies.
* * *
Post-work: dinner this evening with a close friend. After dinner, we dropped into the Hurricane to see 3 minutes of our friends in Electrochakra. Great stuff pouring from the stage. The stuff pouring from the stage, however, could do nothing to cover up the icky stuff that kept pouring in the front door.
Wanted to stay for the music. Could not bear the venue. Sorry guys. Don't give up.
* * *
Knowingly avoiding some personal emails that are really calling for my attention. Don't quite have the kind of necessary energy to deal with these during this week. Perhaps this weekend.
9:56 now. Going to bed in 10 minutes. One more idea to document here first.
* * *
Need to call BillR back about our Western rehearsal space. But not tonight. I am looking for a new (better) place to work and play. This is one area where I am working to free myself from past ruts and assumptions.
Themes for the next three month period:
a) Liquidation: bringing some flow into what had been stuck and stationary.
b) Re-invention: abandoning past formulas, processes, structures, and strategies that have outgrown their usefulness.
c) Completion: bringing some resolution to some open-ended projects.
* * *
More useless attempts to get my DSL working. Finally gave up and posted a note at the top of this page. Need to go back to a modem this weekend until Reflex gets it together.
* * *
Just home from the opening event of Violet's new store on Capital Hill. A wonderful space, great energy, and the celebration of an important milestone for Violet. Plus, I bought three YELLOW seven day candles. Need to go back there to do some holiday shopping over the weekend.
Great to see Violet thriving in her element.
* * *
A long, long day to complete a week of major strides forward on a number of fronts. Bootleg Networks has passed through a great divide, and we are now on our way through Level Seven of our current process. We have a big meal to present on December 13th, and dessert arrives on the 15th.
Feeling proud of this team and their current progress.
One minor, but significant setback today as we lost a form of checks and balances to the core team. There is a point at which assertive dissention plays an extremely important function in a creative group process. We are not quite at that point. This is a team that needs more coherence and communication with work and continual focus on our common goals.
There is a difference between assertive dissention and aggressive disintegration. If it ain't not unbroke, don't not unfix it.
Today, something was unfixed.
* * *
Sad to read that TravisM is giving up on public diary writing. Good that he is examining his motives in this process. It is important to be clear about how and why and for how long to carry on this borderline-insane activity.
For me, besides enabling me to alienate family, friends and acquaintances more efficiently while providing a new vehicle for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, writing this diary enables a form of end-of-day reflection that I would otherwise be too lazy to engage in without a vessel in which to carry the task. Sometimes, it is what happens during the reflection about the day that matters more than what specific drivel ends up on this page.
There are some who may not need external stimulus to carry out this kind of process.
I do.
Without a (perceived) audience for this writing, even if there is none, I probably would not write or reflect on who I am and how I do what I do in the same way, daily.
There is a parallel here to why it is necessary for Musicians to play in front of an audience. Practicing or rehearsing in the basement, or even in a "shirt" "skirt" or other "safe" performance venue only goes so far.
Putting ourselves in front of an audience provides an opportunity to influence or change our normally inflated self-perception. Of course, if a public show (or clever diary entry) goes well, this can also further inflate perceptions of self-importance and/or stroke the ego.
Within reason, it is necessary to have a healthy ego. Actually, I find it much easier to deal with an egomaniac than a neurotic person. (I can hear TravisH saying "that's because you are one.")
With an egomaniac, you know where you stand: this person attributes their successes to themselves, and blames others for their failure. A neurotic person assumes they have no (apparent) success to attribute to anyone, and blames themselves first, and everyone else, second, for their suffering.
Vast generalization of the day: In the end, up to a certain point, we are all simply searching for attention and love. Actually, that is redundant: attention is the vehicle for the transmission of love.
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After some time, the practice of ongoing public performance provides an opportunity to divorce yourself from the need for external valuation or validation. After a few hundred cycles through the "they-love-me, they-hate-me, they-love-me, they-hate-me" roller coaster of misattribution, you begin to realize that the process of preparation for and execution of performance is far more valuable than the artifacts that are delivered via the process.
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Sitting at Curt's this morning with the usual crew. Then, breakfast at the Queen Anne Cafe, basically, white-collar Vera's, same menu, up one notch on the quality food-chain.
After breakfast, a delightful day 'off' spent with close friends. Unbreakable friends.
Went by the Phinney Winter Festival to watch String Theory pick up and carry the SGC torch. Sound near the front of the stage was considerably better than the sound in the back of the hall, partially due to the room, and partially due to speakers placed behind (and blocked by) the band. A good show. This team is coming along, although there are some obvious and simple things they could do to improve their show (obvious, only if you are not IN the band and have an opportunity to watch from the outside.)
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Then, a surprisingly excellent film: unbreakable. This review on sidewalk is by someone with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder.) The film moves fast enough if you have half a brain and an interest in comic books.
Dinner at Wild Ginger. A total hit. An excellent day all the way around made possible by 14 years of close and still-evolving friendships.
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Still no luck with my DSL. And now, Site America will not even connect from home. Tomorrow, I'm calling a new ISP and getting rid of the terrible legacy that I have had with this one. Remember the great outages of this site over the past three years? Let's see how a new ISP does at keeping my business...
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Went to view a Pioneer Square apartment with a friend who is looking. Now I remember the importance of great acoustics. tile, stone, or hardwood.
And I miss the Redwest stairwells for practicing.
Preparation for an important day tomorrow. Not feeling well by evening - blew off a friend who is looking for dinner. Rain check.
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Still no DSL, but later next week, I will have a new ISP. Buh bye Site America. Good riddance.
And on a brighter note, Jane has a new CD:
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