Monday November 10

Exciting mail from Ferny today, now in Atlanta.  He has an idea for a 'spin-off' group that picks up where "Electric Gauchos" left off:

Electronic Gauchos.

Love it!  Lines up nicely with my Get Crafty Remix (with drums) idea that keeps knocking on the door to my heart up every few weeks.   

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Tuesday November 11

I've been disturbed lately by the focus on "sucking" within Guitar Craft and Seattle Circle discussions and diaries.  It seems that the idea of judging our mistakes and short comings as an inevitable form of overall 'sucking' has become kind of 'cool' within our shared verbal and written self-analysis.  Here's an excerpt of my latest thinking on this extracted from an mail to someone who shares my view that this popular 'sucking' trend has got to stop.

Neurotic, sleepy, egocentric people think they suck at whatever they do -- and they are generally happy to share their supposedly-insightful self-criticisms with everyone around them. This kind of constant verbal "I Suck" sucking is actually a simple manifestation of egotism: 'I will measure what I do and compare it with those around me and prove how humble and self-aware I am by letting you all know that I know that I suck.'  Better yet, I will broadcast my self-aware state of sucking to the world so they will all pity my sucking and forgive me at our next show.   

 

Instructors who think they suck actually generate and propagate sucking in those who allegedly suck around them.  Because I know that I suck, you will suck too, in fact, we will all suck - a self-fulfilling prophesy.  Now, let's play some angular, dissonant, esoteric guitar music while staring at the floor, focusing on all of our horrrrrrid mistakes, and hope that someone wishes to listen to our sucky performance.   Or even better: 'I went to the concert that did not suck, and I'm not pseudo-famous, wearing hip clothes, rolling around in a giant laser ball, or playing to 10,000 screaming photographers --- so I must suck.'  This is all horseshit, judgment, and unnecessary -- a total waste of ego-driven negative energy.  

 

You suck only because you think you suck.  

 

There are many GC aphorisms that deal with this like, duh, "assume the virtue."  But even better, there are many practices and practical methods to address this 'sucking' habit:

 

1. contribute silence - silence never sucks;

 

2. contribute what you CAN reliably play, even if it is only one note played with quality - quality never sucks;

 

3. stop comparing yourself to your expectations, external 'standards', and/or the other poor neurotic sucking assholes around you;

 

4. replace habitual ideas or feelings of 'sucking' with love for yourself and the others in the room;

 

5. stop talking about sucking and shut up and practice quality in everything you do; aspiring to quality never sucks; talking about it all the time does; <example: this long blue blurb >

 

6. if you are working on something that you can't quite DO reliably, do in private and leave your judgments at the door.  If you are playing something that you can't really play in public, stop.  Replace it with something you can do with quality, otherwise, keep it to yourself;
 

7. suck silently with quality in the privacy of your practice space - private sucking does not suck;

 

8. forgive your bad notes before they happen - bad notes don't suck; constantly and readily available neurotic, GC-face-inducing, self-bashing does;

 

9. forgive my bad notes before they happen - my bad notes are no different than yours; it's just that you can hear them more clearly than your own; so before you forgive yourself, forgive me, and then let's both go practice in private together. 

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Wednesday November 12

Exchanged mail with old friend, Mark Long today reminding him to make sure I'm on the Zombie Xmas party list this year. 

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Thursday November 13

Multiple exchanges today with PabloM working to get him some visibility within MS.  It's not easy being a designer at Microsoft, and it's also not easy even getting your foot in the door.  But Pablo's work is good, and his work ethic is strong.

So there is hope, if he does some homework and builds a site that demonstrates his abilities.

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Speaking of Vancouver, heard a rumor in my inbox today that there is a chance that Derek and Whitney may end up back on the West coast of Canada.  Fingers soooo crossed.

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Friday November 14

Images for the Inner Knot compilation keep rolling in - some of them are stunning, like the ones I received yesterday from our old European crafty friend, Paolo Aizza:

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Saturday November 15

My sister's birthday today.  And yet, why is she so impossible to reach on the phone today?  Oh well - she received her small, token, gift a few weeks ago.

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Sunday November 16

I've been doing some thinking and writing about next steps for the Seattle Guitar Circle.  I've also been considering what the best vehicle for communication with this extended team might be.  Email and meetings both have advantages and disadvantages.  However, neither a carefully crafted email nor a meeting seems like it will adequately transmit my latest thinking in a way that will be effective for this diverse audience.

I may have to resort to both and let the email piss off those who hate to read long mails, and the meeting piss off those who hate meetings.

Either way, hopefully the importance of the message will outweigh the drawbacks of the medium(s).

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Monday November 17

Extracted from a mail that I recently wrote but never sent in considering how to deal with the fact that making decisions within a creative process automatically divides a group into two halves: those who agree and those who do not.

"On the other hand, organic processes don't always conform to schedule constraints and advance planning principles. For example, I'd much rather do the right thing at the wrong time (like spend time reinforcing and supporting someone's inspired-in-the-moment initiative than rigidly sticking to a fixed 'plan' like clockwork.)  Rigid 'because-that's-what we-said-we'd-do' scheduling can be de-motivating for someone if we are supposedly always waiting for the elusive and subjective 'right time' (that may never come.)

A theme I keep seeing (since the beginning of time) in our various group interactions, meetings, processes lately: there is generally always someone in a group who tastes "sour grapes," feels offended, left out, ignored, cheated, unheard, misunderstood, and/or disappointed, independent of what actually happens. This seems to be an inevitable by-product of group work or processes where artistic or aesthetic decisions must be made (and perhaps later reviewed or critiqued by a committee.) Often, the specific individuals in the role of the 'disgruntled character' seem to trade places with each interaction.

The dangerous thing is that we have potential to dampen or even destroy our individual momentum/motivation depending on how and where we choose to share our grapes."

OF course, grapes can produce wine or whining. And sometimes sourness can also enhance flavor - if it blends with the rest of the ingredients.

Okay - shutting-up for now with lame-o analogies.

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Tuesday November 18

Today, more time reflecting on some recent writing and the growing need to get in a room with some people to make some decisions about next steps for various ongoing Seattle Circle music projects.  

As a guy who earns his living as a Program Manager working within an intellect-centered hive of super-geeks, I have become accustomed to studying, debating, and expressing complex arguments in long mail threads that carry a whole chain of decisions, assumptions, and unfolding group intelligence.

This is how I earn my living.

Like last week, I'm still troubled by how to best explore planning and decision making with a diverse group of non-PMs, the following analysis just popped-out as a potential study aid to determine which approach to take in discussing SC next steps with the large and diverse SC community. 

• 3-40 people can share in discussion (multi-dimensional exchange of ideas, feelings, and sensations) and decisions in one time at one place
• Individuals can look into each others eyes and read context, irony, emotion, and intention
• Presence demonstrates priorities very clearly - those who make/take time to show up, vote that the meeting topic is a priority in their lives

• Requires people to commit to travel to meet in one place: inevitable scheduling nightmares; meeting participants have to sacrifice something else to be present
• Requires patience, tolerance, and personality and people skills that not everyone shares or cares to develop; certain people actively dislike the confrontations inherent in a 'meeting' process 
• Introverts may have trouble being heard
• Language, goals, and personality differences can become amplified and conflicts between personality styles can sometimes drown out the actual content being reviewed or discussed

• Author has time to reason, review, and carefully consider message, tone, and potential impact
• Everyone has a record of the thinking and that can be used later to revisit and clarify how or why decisions were made 
• Complex ideas can be dissected and addressed one at a time by replying inline
• Email can be searched and sorted later for consolidation with other similar threads or writing
• Tools: Long threads can be 'compressed' by a utility like the Outlook 'Thread Compressor" so 100 emails about the same subject can be condensed into one (assuming everyone includes the previous text in their contributed piece, which not everyone does...)

• No physical subtlety is contained within the ASCII or RTF or HTML so that reader has no way to measure irony, humor, or emotional content
• Some readers do not like to read on a computer screen
• Some do not like to read - they prefer to discuss and explore ideas out loud with other people in a room
• Responding requires discipline and an intellectual rigor that not everyone is comfortable with or willing to invest
• Some with ideas do not like to type or write their ideas - they prefer to discuss and explore with other people in a room
• 'Emailianiation': some are already overwhelmed by their inbox and don't have time to respond or participate in email discussion threads

In examining these kinds pros and cons, it is clear that taking either approach will alienate some faction within the larger SC community.   And that is before the message itself has a chance to even begin to alienate individuals with some of the bold proposals I have brewing. 

Those who hate meetings will have a difficult time and those who hate email will have a difficult time -- in general, to get anything done in the world today, both are required communication mediums.

Which do you prefer?  Or perhaps a more accurate question: which one do you hate the least?  Interesting how much stuff we 'hate' determines the course of how and what gets done (or not.)

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Wednesday November 19

Evening: SGC rehearsal with JoelP and TaylorS. Good focused work. More homework for next year.   Good thing I did not spring a special recording project on this evenings work.  I considered it a one point earlier in the week, and then abandoned the idea as 'too early.'

Instinct was sound, but the time is not right.   Caught that signal too and averted a waste of time.  Getting better at this kind of pre-reading. 

But it does not change my pelota-inspired push for surprises and aspiring delivery of more than we think we can comfortably deliver.

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Thursday November 20

Thai dinner out w/ J in Bellevue.  More engaging discussions and belly laughs over our so-called Program Managed lives.  We have much in common.   

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Friday November 21

Out with friends early evening, followed by sadly missing (former DirectMusic developer) Mark Burton's "Pirates and Gypsies" party where rumor is that Jarod Kaplan's current band was playing. 

Although I would normally go way out of my way to see both Mark and Jarod, tonight it was just too much.

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Saturday November 22

Up early with a sore throat, but in denial.  Calisthenics and sitting chez JoelP.    We began with the new traditional "D-Warmup" for 20 minutes or so (introducing this practice to TravisM for the first time in this setting, despite the fact that it's been a regular 'feature' of SBRS shows from the beginning of his tenure.) 

Then onto the First Primary variations on a dorian tetrachord in alternating legato and staccato phrases.

Finally, a short experiment with a 'B-Warmup' that unfolded nicely as Curt, Bill and Sandra arrived for sitting. For me, the sitting was fairly focused, but occasionally interrupted with a major cat-induced sneeze.  I find my attention wanders less when I am in an allergy-free zone.   

Also had a thought that arrived as I sent out feelers for the GC universe of those who know and are known.  Sharing it here for what it's worth (perhaps not much):

'Sending out good wishes,' while a potentially powerful practice and connection building exercise in contact at a distance, may also be a rather superficial way of making contact compared to more direct methods. 

If contact is really desired or necessary (or if sending vibes of good will is really a goal) then why not make it real by actually doing something for those who you are 'contacting' or sending good will to?  

Ex. Receiving good will at a distance from Trey on any given Saturday morning may be 'helping' me in some immeasurable but important and intangible way, but his recommendation two years ago to go out and buy the "We Have the Facts and We're Voting Yes" CD by Death Cab for Cutie has actually had a quantitative, qualitative and positive impact on my life. 

Not meaning to stir up any trouble by these last few paragraphs. 

But just gently questioning the difference between doing something that we think has value (for ourselves and others) because we've been told it has value, and something that has a tangible impact in my own experience.   

Hmm... just had another thought about this:  HEY - maybe Trey is NOT actually sending me good vibes on Sat mornings!  But how could this be?  "Trey no Crafty?  Not possee-ble!"

(said in my best crappy Marco fake Italian accent.) 

Hi Marco, btw.

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Then off to a day of tying up loose ends and errands.

Evening: Welcome home Travis, Chris, Curt partay at WalterH's place.  Great to see the extended SC community out and about this evening.  Some outrageous and fun reconnections.  Especially nice to reconnect with Frankie and Debra.  And an engaging conversation with PaulO and DavidLV on "Linked" and its impact on what is and what is coming.

Also interesting to introduce and observe J in this context.

Just as we were leaving, I heard Curt pull out his wicked harmonica and finally hear what all the raving is really about.  Great stuff. 

Not sure how this could have slipped through the cracks during SBBS recording earlier this year.   Fortunately, KMFDM seems to have captured some of this energy on their latest release.

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Warm and somewhat unsettling email today from parent-like friends, Pauline and Socco who finally received a copy of the Box Set.  A sort of completion.  And a slight pulling on heart strings that I thought were mostly healed.  No worries though.

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Sunday November 23

Morning: missed my now totally "expired" (according to Wired Mag) Bikram Yoga this morning in favor of extending my denial of the sore throat I am carrying.

Afternoon, off to Seattle Rep Theatre for a mediocre but amusing rendition of Over the Moon.  Even bad theatre is still a reminder of the potential power of being in the same room where art is struggling to leap off the paper and into our lives.

Early Evening: Turkey Dinner with Johnni's multi-talented friends.    

Later: Death Cab for Cutie at the Showbox.   A great show.  And a few significant connections.  Ran into ex-BTV artist relations shiva BarbaraM.  Great to see her and I intend to see her again soon to catch up, among other things.

Also spoke to the person taping the DC show - she's making a documentary about the Seattle Music scene.  And she knows of BTV.  Will exchange some details with her when I get home.  How could SGC history (and misc BTV overlaps) not somehow be part of a Seattle Music scene documentary?  

I could easily add Death Cab to the list of bands for whom I would gladly drop everything for.   There are not many on that list right now.  Their passion, power and innocence is reminiscent of the very young U2 I saw on their 1st US tour many many years ago,

Here's a geeky, stoopid and subjective 'The Player' game: 

DeathCab = early (U2 * Nirvana) + Elliott Smith

I hope Barbara will introduce me to them sometime soon. Not sure if any of them are closet or future League or SGC or SBRS fans, but their arrangements are extremely Crafty.

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Reminds me that TravisM mentioned today some blurb he saw in Rolling Stone at Curt's house about artists who are madly releasing live shows as CDs and web downloads now.  He said the list was exactly the BTV roster of artists we spoke to almost two years ago.

Well, duh.

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