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Monday March 13 One of the great challenges which I face nearly every hour of every day right now involves the ongoing practice of saying the right thing at the right time in the right manner. This seems so simple and obvious on the outside. But it involves a clear intention to be alert, present, articulate, precise, and in tune with the moment, in each moment. This also involves an intention to be in tune within the interactions with those whom I am working. No big deal, eh? Except that it is really really hard to do. And I generally suck at it. This reminds me of an excerpt from one of my favorite Hazrat quotes:
A big part of my current challenge involves visualizing something which does not yet exist, and encouraging others to work with me to build it. How can I prepare myself to recognize a possibility which did not exist two minutes ago? And how to find harmony in a room full of people with different tastes, skills, experiences, and expectations? * * * A good SGC rehearsal this evening. Because I had a pretty good night's sleep last night, I had more energy than I have had lately at our 9pm rehearsals. But my prime energy and creative flow has been pouring into BTV lately. Dangerous statement of the evening: whether we know it or not, BTV is part of a process of preparing for a viable future for the SGC. * * * 12:12pm. Eyes closing involuntarily. Every evening I go to sleep, exhausted, with 100 necessary tasks undone. * * * Tuesday March 14 As I pulled away from my house on my way to work this morning at 8:15am, I heard a strange sound from my front passenger side, and noticed that my car was lurching forward toward the ground - duh,... flat tire. Emergency call to a friend who came to pick me up and brought me to work. AAA call first thing tomorrow morning. * * * Received some email today. Many transitions going on in the world. Some are significant. Others are significant and re-break already broken hearts. Treated myself and a close friend to a rather expensive dinner this evening. A celebration of sorts. I found some minor relief in this. * * * Long meetings today with the BTV biz dev team. I am in awe of this team who has assembled to in service of this process. Returned a few of the many long overdue phone calls at the end of this long day. Home relatively early this evening - 10:33pm. BillVB called to catch up. Nice to hear his voice. Looking at the picture of Bill, Donna, Kate, BillR, and Frankie which hangs by the door of my bedroom. These were the people who made my transition to Seattle worthwhile and possible seven years ago. My good friend, and former MS co-worker, the relentlessly-driven, ChanelS also called a few minutes ago, but I have not the energy to return her call this evening. An update on the Billg X-box demo at GDC, and future DM plans brewing... but not tonight. Tomorrow. * * * 'Calm' tea on the stove. A still evening. A quiet inventory of the past ten years. And a quiet prayer beams out toward the next. * * * Thursday March 16 What happened to Wednesday? Swallowed up by preparations for Thursday. And it has been a good day, despite another bogus SGC gig (we played very well) which was worth doing once for the sake of the music. Elizabeth and Violet were in the audience, listening intently, and making the show all the more worth doing. But I never ever ever wish to play at Belltown Billiards again. Never. Ever. I practiced for 45 minutes this morning before work. This is always a recipe for a good show. And it is the soruce of my sanity. * * * Need to stop talking about BTV (BootlegTV, Tim) in this diary. Very hard to stop talking about is since it now consumes my prime energy. But, given the stakes, this process is not now for public consumption. * * * A nice and surprising email from a recent old friend, M, yesterday. Curious, that this is such a small world. And a nice message from TonyG on my machine which I heard a few minutes ago at 12:38am. Tony is looking for a copy of "Get Crafty" and for some Peter Murphy tix in NYC. I can certainly help with GC but, unfortunately, not with Peter Murphy. * * * The unanswered email keeps piling up. How does Martin Tobias do it? Now, presumably, since he is worth $400M, as of yesterday, I suppose he has a team of assistants helping him sort through all of millions of requests for attention that he gets from friends, family, customers, and employees. Need a personal assistant, badly. Not kidding. Sending out an SOS. * * * Saturday March 18 Listening to Jane Siberry's, ' a collection 1984-1989' at 1:15am. Just finished deleting 61 emails and answering 10 others. This diary has been extremely silent this past week -- this is a reflection of the fact that I have recently taken a slight turn inward as many new things continue to evolve in both my inner and outer life. Being intentionally vague perhaps defeats the purpose of this diary; but being any more specific will get me into trouble. So how where have all the juicy and controversial observations gone? What about BTV tidbits and hints? Patience. * * * Jane Siberry is bringing me extreme joy despite my slighty crappy mood following the SGC show at "Let's Drum and Dance" this evening. The show was "fast" - that is, the tempos were on the edge of being out of control. And yet, there were some extremely satisfying moments. I agree with Stephen Golovnin that the bass drop-out in Afghanistan was extremely refreshing, (while surprising.) * * * I realized again recently that I have an ongoing tendency to fall completely in stoopid love with raw vocal talent. Some examples:
Along these lines, I discovered an awe inspiring new singer recently whose name I do not yet wish to share; but her raw talent floors me... * * * Tonight, in my alonely early Sunday morning, it's JaneS who is singing to me in my own voice:
Thank you Jane. I miss you. Come back to see us in Seattle soon. * * * Sunday March 19 2:16am. Stoopid guy, up late again. Hanging at Kinko's on 2nd Ave, downtown. Not exactly a fun evening, but necessary. It cost me $87 tonight to do something that might have otherwise cost over $500 via other means. The good news: I am not going to Japan this week after all, although I will miss not being able to pick up the special 'hello kitty' gifts that I had planned to bring back for 80 and Violet. Instead, I'm staying home to take care of business at home. And there is a literal mountain of business to address at home this week. I have now begun a 26-mile sprint. * * * An old friend, Tom Betz dropped by for a visit in the BTV office today. Many years ago, Tom (formerly a successful Hollywood sound designer and recording engineer) and I worked together with Sanford on the Prometheus and Mary Lou Lord recording projects. Then, a few years later, he came to Redmond to visit and never went back to LA. Poor Tom worked at MS for 4 long years. Unlike certain idiots who stay up all night typing subjective nonsense into the web, Tom is an intelligent man. That is, he took a year off after he left Microsoft. And he is just now beginning to look for his next ship. * * * Some good phone calls today, and some tangible steps forward. Wish I could say more, but frankly, I should be sleeping. * * * Listened to much Tori in the car today, driving around town with another major Tori fan. Both of us singing along, word for word. Some nice harmony brewing here. Singing: a simple joy. Now, to sleep. * * *
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